Road trippin' and no time to sober up.

    Friday December 8th, 18:30: The journey begins. As I was scattered with all the good byes and too many last drinks, I never did actually get everything packed. Literally throwing the last of my belongings in boxes, watching my friends walk away carrying garbage bags, and boxes of my life; the emotions were under control and I was feeling good about being on the road. Dropping off Gambit was one of the hardest I've ever done, but I know he's in good hands, and there's comforts in that thought.
    So we are off to a rough start, as is the norm when Dee and myself travel. We got lost in Surrey of all places. I mean why are all the cars turning left? Well I'm going right... well 2 hours later we are back at the same damn intersection. Laughing at ourselves was really the only thing we can do. Big drink of the magic water that will keep us awake for the next 4 days, light a smoke, turn up the music, and we are now on the transcanada highway heading for the mountains. Ok so I must offer some sort of introduction to my relationship to Danielle aka Dee, aka Dani, aka my beautiful partner in crime. When we're in each others company nothing can stop us, and believe me everything in life tries. Like rolled over transports in the rockies at Revelstoke, the crazy mountain goats we played with on the highway, and the gas stations in the prairies not being open past 10. Yes again we ran out of gas on the road. At least this time we weren't 5000 feet up in the mountains in Oregon. We drove straight through 4 days with 15 hours of sleep, a beer in every province, some cramped sleeping in the front of the truck, some good buds to relieve the stress, way too much laughter, my body still hurts from it all. I might have forgot to mention that Dee doesn't drive. Finally we pulled into Hearst to visit my great aunt. Saying a final farewell to her since she's not doing so well, I let the tears fall calmly. I needed to face these emotions at some point, I was just not prepared for it. A few hours to home, and I can feel the energy flowing, carrying me that last leg of the trip to some home cooked meals, a bed, and my loving family. Time is treating them all well, they haven't changed and I love them more then words can express. The party begins, the conversation doesn't end, and the bellies are stuffed with food made with so much love you can taste it, I'm finally home. The visit is short, I still have another 9 hours to Hamilton to drop off Dee, but not before we close a bar in Timmins. Of course it's the G.V. and did we ever close it with style. Now with the worst hang over we leave to drive south. We need to get there for another night of partying with Dee's friends and family. Rolling into Hamilton we head straight to the bar for Motown night. Absynth the old Hudson, I haven't been here for years, but the Jager flows, the beer tastes great and the rum and cokes leave me in dancing mode. I need some sleep... Not tonight though, from a house party to my temp home here, were all drunk and living it up. Smoke a joint, crack the crown royal, now it's on. Really on. Waking up with another bad hang over was only comforted by the lazy day ahead of me. Heads a blur, last night was wild, and I behaved like never before. Dee I didn't hit on your baby sister, and didn't knock out your friend Mark when he shoved me out. I should win an award for that!
    Now the journey has really begun, and there's no stopping it. Not that I would for anything in the world right now. Lovin' the feeling right now.
Until the next daze.
peace,
-k

cutin' the ties that bind

    It might be a little more then 40oz to freedom, but that will do the trick right about now. With Bailey's in the coffee, the sun shinning, and Gambit by my side for the last couple days everything is in motion. This inertia is starting to make my head spin. So much I want to do, so many people I want to see, and all those last words I want to project. Regardless this journey is moving fast, and snowballing into a blissful chaos. I love it, I hate it, a beautiful complete spectrum of emotions.
    I sit here paying off the last parking tickets, writing my excuse to get out of jury duty, and packing and re packing my bag to make sure I got everything I need. It almost fits... maybe I don't really need this? Well I can always just get by without it... Fuck it, I got a passport, some clothes, and a bit of money to go. Now I just have to survive the grueling 53hr drive to Ontario from BC. Watching a life get smaller in the rear view mirror, and a life get bigger through a windshield. I'm not ready, but we seldom are for these kind of changes. I'm embracing the moment, I'm caressing the thought of my mothers face when I arrive all wired from driving, a face that will never leave my mind. 80 books left on the shelf, a trunk full of memories, this room resembles my mind. Soon to be clear of clutter, and anxious for adventure.
    the night was a blessing. People I've always held high regards for, much respect, have dropped by to say the final good bye's. It's hard to find the last words, the last actions, the last impressions you leave on someone. It never comes out the way you want it too. So many words I would love to express to so many individuals, accepting the fact that NOT everyone lives for the moment as if it was the last is difficult for me. I've always taken the time I have with someone I care about as if it were the last time I would have an opportunity to be with them. Realistically every time is that last time. You only live once and people come and go, you can never be certain about the future. "If we don't live deeply in the moment, it will only be a dream" Buddha. I'm not into day dreaming, it's about manifesting the life I live. My only wish is that others would let go of the fears that hold them back, and jump into a puddle to feel the wetness that is life. I don't really see myself coming back to Vancouver, and I don't realistically see the people who say they will meet me in some foreign country to actually follow through. These are merely words of encouragement, things we say and do to relieve the fear, relieve the tension most cannot embrace. I will go through with my plans, and am looking forward to meeting others of the same perspective. We are here now, let's celebrate like it was our last. I love all the people I've met, differentiation makes the world well rounded; accepting differentiation makes the world a utopia. I hope the people I've met follow their hearts, never hold back, and experience every opportunity they have. You only live once, and if you don't take the chance, you'll always wonder what it would be like.
    I've found my insecurities, I'm confronting them as I write this. It's difficult, but I'm alive and well. Actually happier facing my self rather then justifying my fears. I look forward to the opportunities I will see and pursue, I look forward to manifesting my dreams to reality. I know I'm capable, you have all taught me that. My closest friends. I hope you all find the courage to just do what ever you desire. Realize it's not that difficult. I've heard too many of you say " I wish I could do that" well it's not that hard. I'm doing it, and if I can so can you.
    Anyway I'm going to sleep alone tonight, no dog, no friend, no cuddles, my first real solitude. I will enjoy it, because we can only make the best of every situation. Mine is this. Some people would think a night alone as bliss, I want to experience why they would think that. I want nothing other then to experience everything I can in every moment I breath.

Can you see the horizon in this photo? Do you think if you had to, you could make it to that point? Of course you could if you had to. It's not that hard, it's just a long walk. Try it sometime and then you'll know for sure it's not as big a hurdle as you think.

peace,
-k