cutin' the ties that bind
It might be a little more then 40oz to freedom, but that will do the trick right about now. With Bailey's in the coffee, the sun shinning, and Gambit by my side for the last couple days everything is in motion. This inertia is starting to make my head spin. So much I want to do, so many people I want to see, and all those last words I want to project. Regardless this journey is moving fast, and snowballing into a blissful chaos. I love it, I hate it, a beautiful complete spectrum of emotions.
I sit here paying off the last parking tickets, writing my excuse to get out of jury duty, and packing and re packing my bag to make sure I got everything I need. It almost fits... maybe I don't really need this? Well I can always just get by without it... Fuck it, I got a passport, some clothes, and a bit of money to go. Now I just have to survive the grueling 53hr drive to Ontario from BC. Watching a life get smaller in the rear view mirror, and a life get bigger through a windshield. I'm not ready, but we seldom are for these kind of changes. I'm embracing the moment, I'm caressing the thought of my mothers face when I arrive all wired from driving, a face that will never leave my mind. 80 books left on the shelf, a trunk full of memories, this room resembles my mind. Soon to be clear of clutter, and anxious for adventure.
the night was a blessing. People I've always held high regards for, much respect, have dropped by to say the final good bye's. It's hard to find the last words, the last actions, the last impressions you leave on someone. It never comes out the way you want it too. So many words I would love to express to so many individuals, accepting the fact that NOT everyone lives for the moment as if it was the last is difficult for me. I've always taken the time I have with someone I care about as if it were the last time I would have an opportunity to be with them. Realistically every time is that last time. You only live once and people come and go, you can never be certain about the future. "If we don't live deeply in the moment, it will only be a dream" Buddha. I'm not into day dreaming, it's about manifesting the life I live. My only wish is that others would let go of the fears that hold them back, and jump into a puddle to feel the wetness that is life. I don't really see myself coming back to Vancouver, and I don't realistically see the people who say they will meet me in some foreign country to actually follow through. These are merely words of encouragement, things we say and do to relieve the fear, relieve the tension most cannot embrace. I will go through with my plans, and am looking forward to meeting others of the same perspective. We are here now, let's celebrate like it was our last. I love all the people I've met, differentiation makes the world well rounded; accepting differentiation makes the world a utopia. I hope the people I've met follow their hearts, never hold back, and experience every opportunity they have. You only live once, and if you don't take the chance, you'll always wonder what it would be like.
I've found my insecurities, I'm confronting them as I write this. It's difficult, but I'm alive and well. Actually happier facing my self rather then justifying my fears. I look forward to the opportunities I will see and pursue, I look forward to manifesting my dreams to reality. I know I'm capable, you have all taught me that. My closest friends. I hope you all find the courage to just do what ever you desire. Realize it's not that difficult. I've heard too many of you say " I wish I could do that" well it's not that hard. I'm doing it, and if I can so can you.
Anyway I'm going to sleep alone tonight, no dog, no friend, no cuddles, my first real solitude. I will enjoy it, because we can only make the best of every situation. Mine is this. Some people would think a night alone as bliss, I want to experience why they would think that. I want nothing other then to experience everything I can in every moment I breath.
I sit here paying off the last parking tickets, writing my excuse to get out of jury duty, and packing and re packing my bag to make sure I got everything I need. It almost fits... maybe I don't really need this? Well I can always just get by without it... Fuck it, I got a passport, some clothes, and a bit of money to go. Now I just have to survive the grueling 53hr drive to Ontario from BC. Watching a life get smaller in the rear view mirror, and a life get bigger through a windshield. I'm not ready, but we seldom are for these kind of changes. I'm embracing the moment, I'm caressing the thought of my mothers face when I arrive all wired from driving, a face that will never leave my mind. 80 books left on the shelf, a trunk full of memories, this room resembles my mind. Soon to be clear of clutter, and anxious for adventure.
the night was a blessing. People I've always held high regards for, much respect, have dropped by to say the final good bye's. It's hard to find the last words, the last actions, the last impressions you leave on someone. It never comes out the way you want it too. So many words I would love to express to so many individuals, accepting the fact that NOT everyone lives for the moment as if it was the last is difficult for me. I've always taken the time I have with someone I care about as if it were the last time I would have an opportunity to be with them. Realistically every time is that last time. You only live once and people come and go, you can never be certain about the future. "If we don't live deeply in the moment, it will only be a dream" Buddha. I'm not into day dreaming, it's about manifesting the life I live. My only wish is that others would let go of the fears that hold them back, and jump into a puddle to feel the wetness that is life. I don't really see myself coming back to Vancouver, and I don't realistically see the people who say they will meet me in some foreign country to actually follow through. These are merely words of encouragement, things we say and do to relieve the fear, relieve the tension most cannot embrace. I will go through with my plans, and am looking forward to meeting others of the same perspective. We are here now, let's celebrate like it was our last. I love all the people I've met, differentiation makes the world well rounded; accepting differentiation makes the world a utopia. I hope the people I've met follow their hearts, never hold back, and experience every opportunity they have. You only live once, and if you don't take the chance, you'll always wonder what it would be like.
I've found my insecurities, I'm confronting them as I write this. It's difficult, but I'm alive and well. Actually happier facing my self rather then justifying my fears. I look forward to the opportunities I will see and pursue, I look forward to manifesting my dreams to reality. I know I'm capable, you have all taught me that. My closest friends. I hope you all find the courage to just do what ever you desire. Realize it's not that difficult. I've heard too many of you say " I wish I could do that" well it's not that hard. I'm doing it, and if I can so can you.
Anyway I'm going to sleep alone tonight, no dog, no friend, no cuddles, my first real solitude. I will enjoy it, because we can only make the best of every situation. Mine is this. Some people would think a night alone as bliss, I want to experience why they would think that. I want nothing other then to experience everything I can in every moment I breath.
Can you see the horizon in this photo? Do you think if you had to, you could make it to that point? Of course you could if you had to. It's not that hard, it's just a long walk. Try it sometime and then you'll know for sure it's not as big a hurdle as you think.
peace,
-k
posted by notion at 5:01 AM
1 Comments:
you're somethin else look sick gnann. life moves for many in a single motion but for you, (and those who manifest like you, like me, like jamie cass) life moves constantly and completely in unison with the universe.
Today as I sat in my new smoking spot, the wind blowing with eyes closed...I was so moved by the song in my ears and the dancing on my face. It was perfect, serene... I thought of you and then your spirit dancing with the wind too. ^_^ made me smile.
As much as we all say sugary things to make the wounds and goodbyes easier and doubt that we will see those familiar faces again, I hope you will keep your word as little as I am doubting you. Perhaps it's because in my mind i think you may be doubting me too. whatever it is... see you when you get here or somewhere in between...i mean that!
xo
your hack sick gnann, siy pay goo, ho pung yeow.
p.s. sometimes manifesting begins with a day dream.
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